It Was Always You
by Sierra Clearwater
Summary: Leah has always been in pain, Jacob had recently recovered from it. But what happens when fate bites Jake's ass again? Will Leah help him through it? ONE-SHOT. Rated T for some cussing.


**_So this was just a one-shot I wrote, I'm 14 cut me some slack if my writing is a bit suckish.  
BLACKWATER!! :] Woot! _**

**_This strays away from my other stories, in those Jake is with Nessie and Leah and another wolf have imprinted on each other, so I felt like a change. Haha :]_**

**_Written Entirely Leah's Point Of View. _**

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It Was Always You

_Leah's POV_

My paws thudded against the ground, the wind blew across my face, the limits of human speed had no hold on me, I was free.

Running to reach a destination was not the point, in this case, I was just running, running forward, leaving as much of my horrid past behind as I could. But escaping is an obstacle for me, I share a pack mind, I have a duty to protect La Push. I can't run too far and even if I did, they'd bring me back. So I am basically trapped.

I stop myself at the border of Canada, opting to rest beneath the trees for a moment, although more often than not, this is a mistake. Alone time, if no one is phased and I am left with nothing but my bitter soul, not exactly good for me. Because my pain pulls itself from the ashes of my heart and tortures me.

I had allowed my self to believe I was on the mend, but no, the lie was broken as soon as I found out Emily was pregnant… I am Leah Clearwater: Stupidity at its finest.

How long I had grieved over my love for Sam being diminished because of an imprint, but how did I not see this coming. I too had wanted his children, so why wouldn't she? And it had come as the greatest of shocks find out, as she was beaming with joy, I sat dejectedly in the corner, sitting in agony as the tattered remnants of my heart tore themselves into yet smaller pieces.

That was among the worst days of my life, along with my fathers death, becoming a shape-shifting wolf and Sam and Emily's wedding day. But the worst, by far, was two days after Sam had broken up with me. I went to his house, to beg him to take me back, for the last time. I wasn't that weak to keep asking for his love, of course not, but it didn't hurt to try, or that was what I had said back then, but it in the end, it hurt more than I could have fathomed.

_Flashback_

_I stormed into the house, I had never been expected to knock before, it was practically my house, I was here, day and night. We were here, together, a couple in love, he was my forever. _

_I was going to ask him once last time, to come back to me and let him know what he was losing. So I strolled into the bedroom we had once shared, head held high, ignoring the pain that came along with being here. _

_He was there, but not alone… Emily was laying on the bed with him, both exposed, what they had been doing was obvious. I knew my mouth was gaping, Emily scrounged up the sheets, to cover herself, a blush on her face and stuttering useless apologies. I didn't dare give Sam a look as I wheeled around and darted from that wretched place._

_I ran home, faster than ever before and slammed my bedroom door, Seth tried for hours to get me to eat or drink. But I wouldn't, I couldn't. My broken heart gave me a loss of appetite and whether or not I died of malnutrition was no concern of mine._

_It was nearing six o' clock when a timid knock on the door sounded through the house. I knew it wasn't him, it was too quiet to be Sam, but of course it was the person I wanted to stay away. My mom and dad were out on a date, so Seth was the one to answer the front door. _

"_Hi Seth, is Leah home?" asked the sweet voice of Emily Young, the girl I had once called a sister, my cousin, my former best friend and now my most hated enemy._

"_Yeah, but you're not going to talk her." Seth stated boldly, and for the first time since Sam had dumped me, my lips pulled into a satisfied smirk, I had trained my little brother well. The boy had a heart of gold, I wasn't sure if he had it in him to be harsh. But he just proved that he wasn't all sugar. I was proud. _

_He continued, "You and Sam have lost my respect, don't come around here anymore, because you aren't welcome."  
"Seth! I'm your cousin! Why are you doing this?" She asked, her voice pained and dumbfounded. So it wasn't just me that thought little Seth Clearwater was an angel… I was glad he chose today to show his dark side and give it to her full force._

"_Because, Emily," he sneered her name, "You stole your own cousins boyfriend! So can't you fucking imagine how that might feel!?"_

_I imagined her flinching, and grinned, with a smug expression on my slightly less agonized face. Seth continued, his voice was steady, he wasn't going to shout at her, but the anger was projected clearly. "Tell Sam Uley that he has another thing coming, he will pay for this. And you, I don't want to see you again. Or him! I want you both to drop of the face of the earth!" He shut the door, not slamming it like I wished he would have, and I heard him stalking down the hall to my room._

"_Lee, let me in." He demanded, I scooted away from where my back had been propped against the door and I watched the knob twist as Seth sulked into the room. _

"_You heard that didn't you?" he sighed, as I nodded, tears welled up in my eyes, not just because of my new founded brokenness, but because my brother really does love me. More than I allow him to show… I was never the touchy soft hearted type, but I was in a vulnerable state, my heart was now reduced to rubble. _

_The tears reached the brim and slipped down my cheeks, I rubbed them away angrily with trembling fingers. Seth sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around my shaking form in a brotherly gesture. I sobbed into his shoulder, he kept silent for the most part, until I started rambling about how I thought he loved me._

_It was at that point Seth pushed me back, his hands gripping my shoulders as he gave me a fierce look, "Leah, I love you, you're my sister and I will always love you and Mom and Dad love you. Sam Uley is a complete dick, forget him! No one is going to hurt you again, because you won't let them." And in my heart I knew that was exactly how things would be from that point on. _

_I'm Leah Clearwater, bulletproof, indestructible and independent. No one is going to get to me like that ever again._

My mind finished the stupid little flashback. I remember those thoughts, about me being unbreakable, but it was a lie, a façade that my mind had given me, just so I could keep from becoming undone for a while longer. I've become far too good at lying to everyone and to myself…

But like I said, I had deceived myself for far too long. Is it too late? Am I just a rotten, bitter mess that no one could love? Or was it me? Was I just too far gone to be able to love again?

Yes, I can't love anymore. Not in that way. I gave my everything to Sam, he was everything, my first date, my first boyfriend, kiss, relationship. Hell, I even lost my virginity to that bastard. I don't love him anymore, not in the least, but it still hurts to see him, to think of him and to wonder what might have been…

_Oh, C'mon Leah, don't think like that, _A voice sounds in my head… But it isn't me talking to myself this time… it's…. Jacob Black.

_What the hell! When did you phase!? What did you hear!? _I mentally screech, as if it wasn't bad enough to be with my pain, it was worse having someone else know… Although they already know I'm a pain hardened bitch, and they know parts of the reason for it, they just don't know the whole story… Not that they care…

_We do care Leah. _He sighed, exasperated.

_I didn't ask your opinion, Black._ I snap, stupid pack mind, I should just phase back and walk home. But the one moment that I've stopped wallowing in self pity, I feel what Jacob is feeling and its like breaking up with Sam all over again, a crushing wave of rejection and betrayal.

_Whoa, what's the matter Jake? _I ask, concern overpowering my own pain and it's comforting to know that I can forget my pain to attempt to ease someone else's.

_Nessie… she… I… her and… ugh! _Of course none of this made sense, but it had to do with his precious imprint, Renesmee Cullen. What could be wrong? She's perfect, right? Rich family, lots of friends, everyone loves her, she looks like a supermodel, she has Jacob Black waiting on her hand and foot. And she became physically 17, she has stopped aging and her and Jake have been dating for a year now…

I don't see a single thing that could go wrong with that… but apparently something had…

_Leah! She fucking cheated on me! _He yells, I flinch because I see how he found out, he walked into her bedroom this morning, to find her and Derek Newton in the middle of… doing 'it'. A tremor shakes through Jacob, his rage and pain is radiating from him as he runs, just like I did, running off to God knows where.

We were both distracted by our pain, so much so that we didn't realize he was headed towards me. I figured this out when he crashed through the bushes and then stood in front of me. I lifted my head off the ground looking at him, the teeth of the russet brown wolf were bared, his eyes filled with hate and heartache. I could do nothing but stare, and wonder if that was how I looked at times…

_Now what? _I find myself asking, Jake lies on the ground, grumbling to himself. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I hope he doesn't run off again, like he did when Bella chose her pedophile vampire love over him. And I am a fool, because yet again I forget he hears every little thing that I think.

_I won't. I can't… I have a job to do here, besides, the Cullens are leaving next month, I just won't go with them as was planned. _He sounds horrible, pain ridden. Just like I had been…

_I would phase out, _I mumbled, _to give you privacy and stuff, but I sorta… accidentally phased… _I felt horribly weak admitting this, I had phased because Sam came over today announcing that Emily was having a son, insensitive asshole, he has no idea what it does to me. But then again I'd rather him not know…

_It's fine, I have a t-shirt, if you want it. I don't feel like staying in wolf form right now._ I agreed, being on two legs was a bit more appealing to me.

Jacob phased first, I shut my eyes so he could change and I felt a t-shirt hit me in the face. I phase back to my human form, pulling the t-shirt over my head, it ended about mid-thigh, awkward… Jacob had a weird look on his face, I couldn't put a name to it, but it was just odd…

"How are you doing?" I ask timidly.

"Why? What would it matter to you Leah!?" He snaps, I flinch at his words, I may be a bitch but I'm not completely heartless, I still care about other people, even if I choose not to show it…

"I'm sorry… I just… can't… I can't believe she would do that, I thought she loved me and we were going to be together _forever._" He whisper disparaged,

"Have I taught you nothing?" I say, almost offended that he doesn't get it yet. My words just make his expression twist in confusion.

"There is no happy ending. Life sucks and then you die. You've said that yourself. How is it that the whole world gives in to the 'together forever' cliché" His eyes show a dim flicker of pain.

"Yeah, but that was before…"

"I know, before _her. _But do you see happiness for yourself now? Are you gonna beg to get her back? Or are you going to forgive her when she asks you to come back. I know you will, because no one can fight an imprint."

I sigh, those words aren't really comforting, but they are the truth… No one can fight an imprint, how I wish it were possible, because if it was, I would be the one who was pregnant Sam's son… Not sitting in the woods being pathetic with Jacob Black.

"I don't know, Leah. I can't forgive that. And I sure as hell won't get on my knees and grovel for her to love me." Of course he won't, he's Jacob Black and he is the most stubborn person on earth… Next to me, that is.

"What did you do?" He asked suddenly

I gave him a dumbfounded stare, not quite registering what he was wanting to know?

"How did you deal with the pain?" To me, it seemed obvious, I go around life taking my anger out on others… Some thought it was just PMS… oh, I wish. I'm a menopausal female werewolf who is also a heartbroken bitch and I wish I had PMS.

"Jacob, look at me," I said, his eyes shifted from the ground to my face, which I could tell was just a mask of bitterness. "I'm not happy, I go around and scream and yell and treat everyone like shit. That is exactly how I deal with pain, although I wouldn't say that it could be considered dealing with it. I'm just good at redirecting it somewhere else."

Why I chose to tell him about my feelings is beyond me, but he wanted to know, so he gets truth.

He remained silent, his eyes glued to the forest floor.

"If you can't handle it, then don't." I whispered, repeating what I'd said to myself and Seth thousands of times. My mother was always mad at me about that, 'bad moral', but it's the truth and you can't deny the truth…

"Oh, so you're the reason Seth always says that." I bark out a laugh, that kid is a gift from God, I'm glad to call him my little brother, even though I would never tell him that.

"Yeah, I guess… Its just a saying, but for me it held truth…"

"Leah…" he sighed, giving me a puzzled look, I just give him an equally confused glance.

"Why is it that one day you can be on top of the world, laughing and having fun, but the next day your on the border of Canada crying?" My hand flew up to my face, wiping away tears I had unthinkingly shed.

"You know Jake, that even though everything in my life is alright, I just don't feel connected to any of it…" The harsh reality of my words stung, but the truth was all that seemed to be coming out of my mouth today.

He didn't respond, just sat on the ground, his head in his hands. This was the side of him I had rarely seen, the time that he was just sad and vulnerable, but I had never really cared because I knew he could handle himself. But this time seemed different.

Back then, there were always options, if he didn't have his mother around anymore, he would still be alright, if he didn't get Bella, he could always imprint and forget her. But now that he had imprinted and she had let him down, he had nothing. Bitter emptiness, that no one could understand, but I understood, all too well. Of course not in the same way but in a similar manner.

I pushed off of the tree I had been leaning against to sit by him, he didn't choose to acknowledge my presence but looked up when I rested my hand gently on his shoulder.

"Where do I go from here?" He mumbled.

"I'm the wrong person to ask that question to." I retort.

"No, you are the perfect person to ask that too, you've been through almost everything that I have. And yet you remain somewhat together. So what did you do? How did you continue with life?"

I stared, dumbfounded, I had been so sure he would run back and ask her to give him another chance.

"Are you really going to just try to forget her?"

"That is exactly what I'm going to do, stop avoiding my questions, give me an answer."

"Jake, I can't give you answers, there are some things you have to figure out on your own. And I don't want you making the same mistake that I did, no one could handle it if you just became another Leah. The world would officially become hell." I joked at the end, trying to liven up the mood, but no, it remained glum and dismal.

"Thanks…" he mumbled, whether or not it was meant to be sarcastic I could not tell.

"Just trying to help." I snapped, sounding slightly hurt, even though the words hadn't offended me, it just kind of sucked that I couldn't get him to see what I meant.

"No, I meant it. Thank you. Even though you're a bitch sometimes, you've always been there and you were always there to tell me it was okay. When my mom died, you were there. When Bella left, you told me she lost something good and when she married Edward, well that was a time you were a bitch… and when you joined my pack and helped protect that Cullens, you felt sorry for me and stuck up for me… Thank you."

I was struck speechless by all of this, I had done those things, they hadn't seemed significant to me, but maybe to him they had.

"No problem…" I mumbled staring at the floor, feeling like he was right, not about me comforting him, but I had people doing that to me all the time.

I remember Seth coming home one day, a few weeks after the almost battle between the evil vamps, proclaiming that he had punched Sam Uley in the face for being a douche bag. And my mother comforting me after I had lost him and my father too. And the entire population of La Push saying that they were there for me after my Dad died. Those things never ever registered in my mind as love, but that's what they were.

Jacob Black had done that for me too, he gave equal hate on Sam Uley, he bought me junk food during the depression eating stage and he had been there for me, through everything. Even if we fought half the time, it was still comforting.

"You did the same for me." I noted, he turned towards me, the hand that had remained on his shoulder was now grasped in his hand. Our eyes locked, his deep black eyes reflected my silver ones, and I felt something twist in my stomach, something that had been foreign to me for so long. _Desire, Lust, everything I haven't felt since he left… _

He leaned in, his scent intoxicating my mind, the pine-woodsy smell had my head spinning. I was frozen in shock the second his lips crashed down on mine, of course, my body reacted before my mind, because I was kissing him back, up until I made some sense of this. I pushed him off roughly, he fell onto the dead leaves and melting snow on his back. "Jacob! Just because you've been deprived for six years, waiting for your precious vampire spawn to be legal, I'm not going to do anything with you. No one is going to _hurt _me again."

His eyes looked so pained, more so than when he had told me about Nessie. Why, what does it matter if I give in just for a moment, but is it worth the pain of having him go back to her, leaving me with just a bitter memory?

"No Leah, you don't understand. I- I have… a confession, I guess." He face twisted awkwardly as he sat up, grabbing my hands again.

My mind remained in a muddle as he continued,

"Leah, for a long time I had a crush on you, and then Bella came and you were girl that I went to for advice. And then you were the bitch that told it like it was, and then when she was pregnant, you tried to help me and I was… considering the idea of me… and you, together." My eyes were filled to the brim with tears, I hate not having control of my emotions, I couldn't reign in the tears.

"And now, I want to forget Nessie and I want to be with… someone who knows me. Yeah, she does, but she betrayed me and you, you never have. You followed when I left Sam's pack, and you stayed true."  
I gave a small smile, because maybe he really did want me, but the fear of him returning to his imprint was a tad overpowering.

"But Nessie…" I tried to remind him.

"No, Ness had her chance and she wasted it, I want to be with _you._"

And in that moment he brought his lips back to mine, I had no mind to resist, I was so sick and tired of not being wanted. And now that someone did, I didn't want it to slip through my fingers.

We stayed connected, wrapped in each others arms, lips moving in sync and in that moment I felt whole. He pulled back and then he whispered,

"Somehow I always knew I would find someone to love, but until now, I didn't know who it was and it was you Leah. It was always you."

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**_Thanks for reading!_**

**_Reviews are like the best ever, they are what I depend on to survive ;]_**


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